Xbox 360 – The lo down

You know, I like all the current the home consoles right now, they are really quite balanced. However for those who are planning to buy a system and need a little straight information on each on you come to right place. The next three entrees will be devoted to a mini-look of the Xbox 360, Wii and PS3 (and your welcome); they won’t be technical or in depth but they will be all based on the opinion of a gamer who was all three and skilled in their use, yours truly. Let’s get started with Xbox 360.

Strengths: The king console in the states, their library of current generation games come 2^nd to none. Racing, Beat’em ups, Action, Adventure, Role Play, Shooter (home of Halo), you name it’s there. I dare say it’ll fit anyone who buys one, even little kids. While I never commend Halo to a child (not until your 13 young man) it’s no trouble download a simple yet fun game from Xbox 360 Arcade so they can have fun and learn the gaming basics – got to strafe before you frag after all. Which bring me to my next point; this console had the best online network on consoles – Xbox live. One could download game demos, TV shows, movie trailers, Xbox original games like Crimson Skies have video chats with friends, have limited connectivity to one’s PC to extent the 360’s media abilities, and of course, play against people online. Even when users fill up their current memory storage unit they can always buy more so they don’t have to erase anything important like south park episodes or your latest recording run-through of Burnout Paradise. Finally 360’s are quite affordable right now pricing at $250-$350

Weakness: As good as the 360, does have a few problems. The biggest is the ‘Red Ring of Death’; now thanks to God, I never had the problem personally with my machine but it has happened to many others (my condolences). When players would see this ring (which is 75% of a ring actually) it would mean the end of your machine, nothing would work. The worst part is that the number of 360 with the ring was surprising high. Fortunately Microsoft has been very supportive of this condition and extended the general warranty to three years for this problem as well as taken steps to make future 360’s would work property. Another issue I have is that while I’m paying for Xbox live (Gold membership baby) I seem to be bombarded with lag, ALL THE TIME! It’s like I’m give Microsoft money to waste my time, and that’s just sick! Oh well… when I do find a good, lag free game it does run well.

Overall: Xbox 360 is an excellent machine that runs well, has a good library of games and online options up the wazoo. It’s only place the 360 has little fan base is in Japan for some reason; but if you don’t live there then you don’t have a problem. I’ll say it straight – if you can’t find a Wii (or don’t like to excise) and still think the Playstation 3 isn’t worth it then buy the 360, you can’t go wrong.

Translation please – Can foreign games be fun again?

I’m glad to say I’ve been playing games for about 20+ years. I remember my past fondly and without a shadow of a doubt I’ve been blessed. Well among other reasons, I believe this is so because I’ve lived during the golden age of gaming (the 90’s if you don’t know) and played great games that more than a few came from the land of the rising sun; Japan. Konami, Capcom and Squaresoft were a few of my favorite developers. However being that this is 2008 things (and games) are not as they once were, in fact the games I’ve been playing from them and many others have been less than memorable – worst than that, they been down right boring. See my gripe stems from their games; how they once were and how they are now. Their combined games such as, but not limited to: Ganbare Goemon a.k.a. Legend of the Mystical Ninja, Suikoden, Breath of Fire, Street Fighter (the game that put fighting games on the map), Mega Man, Final Fantasy, Saga Frontier, Strider and Chrono Trigger (a personal favorite) were a unique series of games that were entertaining, fun, brilliant precursors to the games we now enjoy. Now in 2008 most of these over the sea favorites don’t even exist anymore. What’s more, newer entries such as “Lost Odyssey” follow a set a pattern of play that been around since the 90’s (hero is small in a small village, fights a big, bad evil and wins with the power of love/friendship/ancient relic/etc.) which seems is dated in our time. Think about all the great games that are made by state side developers; Ratchet & Clank, Burnout, and the Orange Box. All good, well-thought games that don’t ride the achievements of their past, they keep improving their series making them even better (GTA anyone). The foreign games seem to keep using the same character archetypes, same story board progressions, same types of quests, same everything just in different titles (What the difference between Resident Evil and Dead Rising or Final Fantasy 7 , 8, 9, 10 and 12 at its core? Nothing, but a few details …).

Ok so I’ll admit foreign developers do try, Okami and Viewtiful Joe are par excellent. Mario has been around longer than most and still remains the figure head king of games in the eyes of many. The red, white and blue one may had few failures but always bounced back because Shigeru Miyamoto and crew learned from all aspect of the past to create something truly ‘Mario’. It’s this lesion that I want more foreign developers to learn; not create the same old thing in the same old formula but to try something new a unexpected, even if it’s not well received. The thing is, if they keep doing what their doing; what they’ll get is Mega Man. A cash cow that has crapped out…

Ban Hammer Abuse – Oh those testy game companies

I’ll admit don’t really have many gaming magazines, most gamer information one could need can be found on the internet, the ‘Killswitch Offensive’ for one(shameless self promotion rocks). I only have two that are privileged enough I should paid money for – Game Informer and EGM. They’re great sources of information and news in the industry but their dynamic is radically different: GI is like the ‘Mercedes’ of mags while EGM give’s it to you straight without fluff. Where I’m going with this is about a month or so ago I’ve read an editorial by Dan Hsu of Electronic Gaming Monthly (EGM). It said that the mag was banned by Midway, Sony and Ubisoft from getting games from them to review. Why? Because they felt that the scores given to their games by EGM was less then flattering (especially Assassin Creed). I got to say from what I’ve read, the trio sound like a bunch of bastards. That can’t be right, could it? I decided to do little research and from what I found EGM claims are true.

Where to begin…

Well first of all, EGM (and Dan Hsu respectively) congras for saying what you did. For standing up for your ethics and integrity as a serious media; for not bowing to the pressures of companies who think money can solve the problems of sucky games; and for showing the world that game journalists ‘are’ journalists and should act as such. However, despite the support of myself and others, there have been criticisms about this editorial. Some say that EGM (and their reviewing system) are flawed and got what they deserved; even the escapist’s Russ Pitts finds Hsu’s editorial too well timed according to low (after the holidays) magazine sales. Hsu even caught flames from other game journalists for not naming’ names in his editorial. To these people, I say, get off his back! It’s bad enough to cast stones (and suspicions) generally, but to do so on the subject of fixed journalism, just because you don’t like the magazine or the person, is quite sad. And also for those game journalists concerned about “no names” - don’t be. If your mag or site or blog does everything by the book – great; don’t get self-conscious on what Hsu said and start pitching fits. G.I. editor-in-chief’s words (Issue 179, page 10) were especially disappointing. Before I call it a post I turn my attention back to Midway, Sony and Ubisoft. You’re companies are very fortunate to have good games, that I cannot ban you all from my consoles. However your lack of maturity on game reviews was so infantile that it forces you to ‘ban’ EGM is border line insanity! I’ll tell you all a secret – reviews, everywhere, are based on opinion… You always have the option to ignore them! Also reviewers don’t make or break a game, the people who buy them do. Look at “Psychonauts” and “Okami” great games that scored very well, but did the public receive them well, no. Hard to say why, but it just didn’t happen, which is exactly my point. To blame (and then ban) a magazine for pointing out the short comings in your games will only cause way more problems than solve them. Now what you did leaves a bad taste in the mouths of the EGM reading base (and all the people they know) by excluding their mag, and by doing that its makes the chances of those people buying from you again very slim.

Gee… Who would have thought trying to spit in the eye of free press would be bad for business.

Game Review - Super Smash Bros. Brawl

I’m sorry to disappoint those who may or may not come to be enlightened in the ways of the game through rant, but instead a game review. Yes I reviews games, this opinionated blogging feature is just an add-on that I rather enjoy. So I figure I combine the two and save time. That is until I get my website up (sooner or later). Anyway this game is the latest Smash Bros sequel - Brawl. Trust me; it’s a Nintendo fan boys dream come true. When it comes to this series there’s not much of a story to be had here (not that fans of the series care much), the closest we got was a watered down adventure mode in Melee. This time around though they actually put some effort in and made it actually passable mode of play. Most the characters from the first two games plus some new entries must now due battle with creatures from subspace. These creatures (which look a lot like the heartless from Kingdom Hearts) are being led by the usual assortment of Nintendo villains and the leader du jour the ‘Ancient Minister’. Mario and gang don’t know why they’re bring the noise; but in order to save their amalgamated world they must show them the painful back side of their hands.

Now the playstyle of this series has always been difficult to classify, close to a fighter genre but not a pure one. For those you don’t know, it works on a modified ‘King of the Hill’ system. Instead of a health bar each character has percent counter. Each time an character receives damage two things will happen; the counter will go up, and the character will be knock back. The higher the percent the more damage will effect the character and the farther it will get knocked back. The stages of each battle are only so big, outside each stage are unseen by the players and are considered out of balance. If their characters go too far (or more commonly knocked back) into that area then they lose. Not the whole game mind you (although it can be set to sudden death in other modes) just a loss of point (the rival CPU/player gains that point if they cause the defeat) or a stocked life. Players keep this up until either time runs out or there’s only one survivor. It’s sound, simple system; so much so that some people dare call this a button masher. This is simple not true; it takes a great deal of strategy and skill to master this game. First, each character is different from another (pallet swaps included); from standard attacks, strong attacks, and finish blows to the four special attacks that can save your character’s rear, are just the basic one should know right of the ‘Home Run Bat’. Even the weight of the characters factor how offensively or defensibly one should play.

Then you have to figure the outside elements that drop into the field; namely items. Classic ones like the ‘Beam Sword’ and ‘Ray Gun’ return in this 3^rd installment game; while new toys like the ‘Mortar Launcher’ or the ‘Smoke Bomb’ add new trickery to the field. Like the character themselves, some items take some planning to use while others only require you to aim and pull the trigger. Of course pure skill won’t mean much if players/CPU gets a hold of a Pokeball, Assist Trophy, or a Final Smash Ball. Even one of these bad boys can turn defeat into victory in no time, despite the fact they have their limits too. So to say playing this game need ‘no-effort’ is about the same as saying that democrats have a poor shot of winning the next election here in the states. Now to truly play a button masher might I suggest ‘Tekken’ or ‘Soul Caliber’. They maybe high-end games but they require low I.Q.s to play. Let’s talk about the nuts & bolts of the game, starting with the looks. Most other reviews would poo-poo the graphics, saying that they would look like Nintendo Gamecube graphics. Well that maybe true but there wasn’t much wrong with the GC’s graphic anyway. Plus since we’re working with the power of the Wii everything is nice and detailed; pause the game and see your character and background up close, pretty cool ay?

Also don’t get me started with the music in this title; it’s like they took the best tunes of Nintendo, Kirby, and Sonic; jammed it in the game; and for the sheer awesomeness remixed most of it as a nod to the fans. So, yeah, the music is good. Controls are a non-issue as well; this game allows using all four control styles available for the Wii (The Wii Remote, The Wii Remote with Kunchuk, The Classic Controller, or the Gamecube Controller). Another good move for Nintendo, because even though most people would be conformable with the GC controller (I know I am) that not true for everyone; it’s good to have options. That 3 for 3 and not even the best part; the best part is that the online play is excellent! No, really, excellent! As I mentioned in a past post Nintendo is not known for their online capabilities but Brawl does it like a pro; well better than the pros because I’m still having lag issues with Team Fortress 2 (Valve please get with that, it’s really bad when Nintendo shows you up in the online arena).

I can’t say enough good things about Brawl, but any bad? Well I would say their bad things more like annoying quirks. Such as unbalanced characters abilities and characters with similar abilities to another. The biggest drawback is the limited online options; players can’t even select a higher match time than 2 minutes for random matches. For a guy who lives off random matches this is a serious downer. Oh well, you have more control if you make online matches for your friends. Super Smash Bros Brawl is ‘the’ game for the Wii. I very much doubt you’ll find a game as fun, addicting, and lag free this year. Halo 3, Team Fortress 2, and World of Warcraft; all games I have, all games I own and play from time to time. They’re all enjoyable in their own way, but sooner and later I get bored. WoW is the worst of them all; despite their 1 million + users worldwide you can only grind so many quests before you lose your mind. No won’t have that problem with Brawl, I guarantee it. This game get’s my elite rating: Platinum. If you have a Wii but not this game, what’s taking you? Get it A.S.A.P.

High-double edge sword – A non-def issue

What the hell is all this all this noise about High-Definition/Blu ray? Ok, they produce a good picture, equal to (sometimes greater) than those found on a PC games, but looks are only one part of that what makes a game good. Lately though I’ve been hearing from everyone and my mother about how ‘crisp’ and ‘clear’ a High def/Blu ray disk make things look. Again fine, and if you already have a TV that takes advantage of all that fanzines more power to you. What I do have a problem with though is the fact that all the current consoles are pushing people to buy high def TVs whether they like it or not. I’m a basic man, with basic needs; and those need don’t include buy a $500-$1,000 TV just so I can see my game properly. Gone are the days where you can buy a ‘RF’ adapter for your TV to be happy, no, if you don’t have a ‘Red, White, Yellow’ ports on the back, slide or front of your TV your screwed. Fortunately most, if not all comes, TVs now comes with these ports; but still won’t help in the High def end of things. Some game developers aren’t making it easy on us either, seeing how they’re the one’s making the games high def in the first place. Sure these game effect only minor things on non-def TVs such as on screen text or mini-map placement; but it’s only a matter of time before a under pixilated detail does me in game, then I’ll be really upset.

Game developers – please be respectful to those not blessed with High-def, make it an option in game, but don’t automatically assume we all have it.

We are 2005's disappoint in G.I.'s eyes - Time to go to work

You know, sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to write about next, so for a little help I cruse the internet and turn to gaming mags for some inspiration. Luckily I found direction for my rage in the form of Game Informer Magazine, Issue 153. In the section entitled “Top 10 Disappointment of 2005”, the number 5 slot was:

“You(meaning the general gaming public) – Great games come out every year that the general gaming population doesn’t latch on to, and lack of sales means less experimentation and evolution in the pastime we all love so much. Get out there and buy what’s good, support what you love, and give weird a chance.”

Ah… It’s moments like this the K.S.O. was made for. Generally I have no complains about their Magazine, they have good features and a simple reviewing style. However this statement above is so full of it, that I had no choice but to express myself logically and show whoever wrote this P.o.S. to get off their smarmy high horse, all at the same time.

Now I understand that the staff there plays 5 or even 10 times more games over the normal gamer. They have first crack at find new, neat little games such “Psychonauts” or “Shadow of the Colossus”. The problem is that the average gamer does not have that opportunity; your jobs ties in to “the pastime we all love so much” but people who at Sears or McDonald’s 8 hours a day may not want to go to nearest game store, buy 5 unknown game titles and do little “experimentation” after a hard day’s work of flipping heart stoppers. No that’s just not how it works in real life.

Ok, they’ll probably say to me now: “That’s no excuse, what about a rental place or GameFly?” True enough, but any gamer worth anything knows that most rental places sucks for video games; no selection, annoying fees, and having to the thing back, no thank you. Then there’s GameFly; an excellent, reasonable video game resource, but between the fact that it’s still relatively unknown, and that they send the games through the mail, which takes two business days (that’s four days in real time, not including weekends). It’s almost easier to deal with the local rental places.

What really gets me puppy-kicking mad is the fact someone actually had the nerve to say “buy what’s good” when what’s good is all a matter of preference. For example if somebody who has the extra $50 to buy a game had the choice between and game that looked like a 5 year old made it while on a sugar fix or Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2 which one would they pick? Short Answer: RSV2! Why? Because it is what’s good you freakin smart asses, even though it’s not the new kid on the block anymore, look at Mario he’s been around for 20+ years still cranking out excellent games people love. I am truly sorry that unique and fun games sometimes fall through the cracks (To this day I still love Mischief Makers for the N64) but don’t blame us for not having same opportunities and resources that allows gamers like yourselves to play cool games, and for free no less. So if you want us to “give weird a chance” then buy the general gaming populous their own copy of Psychonauts, we wouldn’t mind. So that’s about it; I know you chumps said something about the Alliance from World of Warcraft, but I’m going to let that one slide. However as my Hero, Steven Colbert, always says: Game Informer “You’ve been put on notice…”

Gaming Confidence

Ladies (Maybe?) and Gentlemen, a question if you will. Have you ever lost your gaming confidence? Thought one day, you’re not as good as you once was? It’s happens to us all one way or another, myself included. I’ve always been very good with video games; and always took pride in that. Back in the day, my neighborhood didn’t have strong gaming community so I never have many people to play with. So when one of my best friends wanted to learn how to play Street Fighter, I was quite happy. For that summer I taught him everything I knew about the game and then some; he caught on quickly and before long we were having the memorable matches I always wanted. As time went by I progressed to newer games while all my other older games were left to get dusty; I mean what did I care, I beat them after all. And every so often when my friend came over we played the latest fighter and have close back and forth matches like we had for years. However recently when I and my friend played Alpha 3 or Street Fighter vs. SNK would be on the losing side of our battles. As they when on it would get so bad that no matter what tactic I would use, or move I would make I would lose like a first timer. Sure I would win by lucky break once in a while, but it annoyed the hell out of me that I could only win 1 out of 50. I was P.O.’ed for weeks, and as those losses started to add up I was starting to question my skills so I asked my brother. He told me that the only reason why my friend was beating me in classical fighters is that those are the games he plays the most. He also added that I so many play other games that I don’t play like Street Fighter anymore so I don’t keep my game up. He was right. The next time he was over we played a few shooters and Smash Brothers; it was him who got his ass handed to him that day. So much so that he begged to play a Street Fighter game. Hey, even greatness needs a shot of ego every in a once in a while. My friend these days is now in Cali making his way in the world, but we still keep in touch. Anyway, I love to win, but losing so much to one of my best friends almost killed my love for the game. My advice to those in that situation, and don’t have a brother as smart as mine, don’t freak, it’s only a game. Losing to others, and the game itself, is part the experience. Try different games and find something new. Or for something really radical, take a break, there’s more to life than games (and yes, I just said that). I myself enjoy a little history on my down time, just not competitively(small joke there).

Online Survival Tips - Noobs need apply

Hello all you legions of K.S.O. fans out there. For my latest blog entry, instead for doing a hyper-opinioned blog like you’re all accustomed of me doing, I decided to do something productive an offer some tidbits of knowledge in the online arena. Why? Glad you asked, see, lately I’ve been noticing ‘pro-gamers’ like Tom "TSquared" Taylor offering advice to people through media of choice (X-Play, websites, etc). Having hearing/reading this advice, I judge them ok for quick advantages, but not enough for long term tactics. The standard basics is what players need to survive before going all fancy, otherwise my online matches are going to be boring to oblivion. I know, I know, a lot of you know basics already and that’s fine; this for the players who don’t, so deal with it. And who knows maybe you will find this interesting anyway. There are 16 tips but they are separated by the three types of online play one will experience: Online Action, Online Strategy and Online Role Play. Granted some games the tips won’t cover like Madden; but I’m sure you all forgive me for being lazy.

Online Action

• When in Online Action game like First person shooter it always a good idea to keep moving, if you stand still your easy target for other players to pick off
• Always keep you head turning, never look in the same direction for more than 5 second at a time. After all, the easiest kill is in the back.

• If you need to stop moving for any reason always use your surroundings to hide yourself, even something as simple as crouching against the wall could fool other players for a second.

• Always keep your eye out for “the better”. The better weapon, the better vehicle, the better rout, the better move, the better whatever. Make sure you get it before your opponents do.

• Beware of the psyche-out; some online players will try to mess with you to throw your game off. Use it against them or create your own; be creative.

• If you don’t rank well in the beginning don’t worry about it, just keep trying. Before you know it the name who might be on top on the next match will be yours.

Online Strategy

• Defense, defense, defense. You always got to make sure you’re protected at all times otherwise it will be an easy victory for your opponent.

• In a normal real time strategy game resources are key; your armies will be pitiful without decent supplies to keep them well armed and healthy.

• Don’t waste time with crazy strategies in the beginning, you may think it will catch your opponent off guard, but all it will get you and your armies annihilated.

• Never rush your moves; patience is a virtue, not a suggestion.

• If you can, try to play strategy stages before you enter the online arena so you know the maps and quickest ways to victory.

Online Role Play

• When you role play, have fun with it. This type of game allows you to be someone else like a great warrior or a genius scientist; just don’t be the nerd too cool to role play.

• Role play games are usually huge explore when you can but watch out for areas with monsters stronger than you. Their faster, have a bigger attack range and kill you quickly.

• Role play games are saturated with online players, it a good idea to communicate with the other players because some areas of the game won’t be accessible without help. Please and thank you goes a long way too; trust me on this.

• Prioritize your money; put to skills, put to equipment, put to partying, whatever! Just make sure you have a plan.

• Finally be aware that in role play games you’ll be fighting more computerized monsters than other players, but it’s not unheard of to get attacked by another player who looks for an easy way to make your life living hell. So either don’t go ‘player vs. player’ or watch out when you do.

Lag – The silent killer… Of games

Now I wouldn’t say I play games online a lot (if I wanted to hear losers and 3-year olds yell obscenities at me I would go to a kingdom hearts message board), but I do like to challenge myself against other people every now and again. I turn on my Xbox 360, pop in ‘The Orange Box’ and warm up ‘Team Fortress 2’. I get keyed up for 10-30 minutes of non-stop slaughter, and finally load on to the playing field, and then it hits me. Not an enemy player but something more insidious… Lag. I can’t move, can’t turn, and can’t shoot. Then sudden movement and turning for few seconds then freeze again against the wall. Firing constantly, even without pulling the trigger since the first time. The finally indignity was dying by an opponent I couldn’t, see, avoid, or fight. I left (in a crappy mood) to find a better room, but I never did. I was temped to melt the disk into slag; I didn’t because that would be stupid, still this was not an isolated incident. Games, FPS mostly, are meant to be played online these days, but no matter the game, chances are if you play it online it will be hampered by Lag.

For those who don’t know; Lag is where highly congested network latency causes a symptom where an electronic action appears later than expected. There are many reasons why this happens, but I don’t care! We have come a along way as a people, cloned sleep, created good trilogy movies, and so on. You can’t tell me we can’t eliminate latency issues from online game play, you just can’t! What I’m I paying for Xbox live for if I’m not getting what I’m paying for; game developers are guilty too why have something in testing for years if Lag is still around. Truth be told, Lag free game are found in unexpected games like Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Their online is seamless, and coming from a company that’s not known for their online games, at all, makes the others look like there dragging there feet. I’m glad to say that Lag is more of a minority event than anything; and not as bad as I make it out to be. Lag though a serious issue should be dealt with immediately by the powers that be, otherwise it can (and will) ruin a game for a player. Patience and restraint can only go so far.

P.C. v Consoles – Let’s make one thing clear…

In no way, shape, or form do I discriminate any video game platforms. As long as it’s done right and doesn’t come with any extra pieces of crap that I’ll never use again (I’m looking at you Guitar Hero & Rock Band) then I don’t have a problem. However there has been an issue going around, for I don’t know how long, about games and whether or not it’s easier to play with mouse + keyboard or with a game controller. Well I don’t know if it’s an issue with a lot of other gamers it is with me, I couldn’t tell you how annoyed I get every time a PC gamer comes up and says an ‘FPS’ on the computer is better because of the fricken mouse! I hate to break this all those mousers out there, but the clear winner the game controller obviously, and yes I can feel the hate right now. There are a number of reasons why this is so but I’ll stick to three to avoid a full on rant.

1. Over complication – Granted options are good the more the better I say, but seriously it takes far too long to assign each and every button on a mouse and keyboard to do a particular function. Usually the presets are fine to start, but no gamer worth the game just uses the presets alone unless they have no choice.

2. Maintenance - Mouses and Keyboards get dirty, if you don’t clean them often to will effect your game play (and general computing) all together. With a console controller, not so much. What’s more if one or, heaven help you, both items brakes your not only screwed, but you have to pay through the nose to get suitable replacements. Again not so much with controllers; they’re built for punishment (little kids, temperamental players, and the like) and cost effective to replace.

3. Doesn’t support a superior medium – Like a said before I don’t discriminate, I have a few PC games that I enjoy daily. Graphically beautiful in every sense, and without PC gaming, gaming as a whole wouldn’t be the same. All that aside though PC wasn’t built for games; it takes a great deal of time, money or both to make one even able to play every PC game out today. All it takes for a console to play a game is to buy or download it. Plus the majority of the game types are only FPS, Strategy and Simulation. How can the keyboard and mouse be the superior control scheme if they only (properly) control only a fraction of the game types out there? Sure they have the advantage in online role playing games; but that won’t last forever either. The times, they are changing.

Again I feel I can list more reasons, but these reasons alone should give my argument some weight. Still actions are sometimes more effective than words, and soon the time will come where PC and Console games will able to play online together. Maybe then we’ll see which style is more effective by the results after the game.

Zero Punctuation – Respect

So I was watching ‘X-Play’ to catch myself up on the latest gaming word. Sometimes they do segments on the show where they invite those in the industry and talk about the latest game they’re developing. On these times of the show I couldn’t find any more boring. Why? Because they don’t really do anything to hype up the game, they describe the game’s features in a mono-tone ‘reading the manual’ type a way. Take this ‘Hands on: Starcraft II’ as an example. Is it just me or was this not worth the time recorded,

‘Oooo… The Zerg can dig now, scary. The Queen Zerg *is* a threat, well didn’t see that one coming.’

Anyway, on other occasions they bring in someone of true note like Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw; creator of a ‘Zero Punctuation’- a unique game reviewing video with a style as subtle as blowtorch. At first when I saw the few minutes of his work on x-play I thought:

“Great! Another angry, self-important, brit trying to tell me what’s-what’s! Pass on that.”

Admittedly I did chuckle on what I saw but in the long run I thought he was all mouth, and no substance. As the weeks went on though they kept presenting previews of Zero Punctuation so I figured enough’s enough. I decided to go to their website, ‘The Escapist’, and watch a complete episode for myself. Well I’m sad to say not only is Zero Punctuation is good, it probably the most brutally honest game reviewer I’ve even (sorry ‘X-Play’).

Behind his arrogant, tactless, enema-like analyzation of a game, hides a brilliant understanding of said game. Gives credit where credit is due, but clearly draws attention to where a game fails; such as a game being over hyped in the eyes of the industry or when a current game’s play style have been done before, and sometimes even better, by games in the past (Bioshock ala System Shock). Wrap this underline genius under humor with language I can only describe as Cartman-ese and strangely enough you got yourself a winner. A shame though - I enjoy putting the opinionated smackdown as I see fit, but I can’t in this case because every video I’ve saw so far has been spot on in both humor and reviews.

I maybe tough, but I’m fair.

So congrats Croshaw, you walk out of here still the champ, but now you got my attention so it 's zero tolerance for Zero Punctuation. What you bring to the table, I expect you’ll keep.

G4 - Geared towards mutant shut-ins that nobody likes

Ladies and Gentlemen: I am a video gamer; it is something I take very seriously. I have devoted much of my short life to this art form and, to a lesser extent, technology (for obvious reasons). I can’t name the actors who played in ‘Sewer Shark’; but I’ve played Sewer Shark and to this very day I believe it should get a sequel, that’s right, I’m hard core. This isn’t about the unfair treatment of an overlooked gem, no this particular rant has ‘G4’ written all over it. Let’s go back in time to the year 2002, Comcast (yes that Comcast) and Insight Communications revealed to the world a TV network that focused on the gaming industry. Well when news of that hit my ears I had to get it, no matter what. When I did, it was like the Super Nintendo all over again, pure nirvana.

For a while, life for a gamer was pretty good – sure the shows were a little green but they were good. My personal favorite was Portal; a scripted show about MMORPG’s, funny and brilliant.

In time I figured their shows would improve greatly and give creditability to video games as a true art form to the masses, but sadly they would never get a chance. In March 25, 2004 (almost 4 years anniversary now) the powers that be decided to combine the networks of both G4 and ‘Tech TV’ (another cool network I used to watch) to into one super network. Now on paper it’s a beyond excellent idea, especially for me; the best of both networks on one channel – win/win right?

Well little did I (and the general G4 viewership) know that this was beginning of the end. No sooner did the ink dry on the paperwork, they started making changes. Not the kind of changes that means move to a different time slot, but the kind that guts all that was good about both networks and replace them with B.S. which the world has never seen before. 'Attack of the Show' is the best example of this. It tries to be ‘cool’ or ‘generation now’ but all I see is a bunch a jack-offs who got lucky. Seriously I think they’re high half the time; they would have to be to come up with the warped segments on their show.

Don’t get me started with the hosts either, a 2^nd rate model with a dude who makes anyone else look good by comparison only completes the bastardization of this show. The things that come out of their mouths make even our 43rd president’s own words seem intelligent.

This is the stuff I have to content with every time I change to G4 now; and remembering how it uses to be - makes me even more upset! Instead of creative, game-centered programming; I get freakin’ 'Cops', 'Cheaters' and soft-core porn (after 11 pm)! The only reason I still pay $45.00 extra every month for it, is that still provide small residue of tech and gaming information in the form of X-Play and other news bites. I’ll give the devil its due too, not everything in this G4 is complete P.O.S. The foreign T.V. shows ‘Ninja Warrior’ and ‘Unbeatable Banzuke’ are interesting, but I would gladly trade them both to get old G4 back; or at least the Canadian version of G4, because unlike here in the states, they wisely keep a lot of the Tech TV / G4 programming. The main reason they changed G4, is to focus their target audience to male viewers like ‘Spike TV’; to create a network ‘inspired’ by video games.

This is simply NOT the case.

All this network is now is a mish-mash of random shows, pointless commentary, you-tube trash, & questionable commercials. It’s like a popular child actor who has fallen of hard times, no longer the ‘TV 4 gamers’ (Their former motto) now the ‘TV for who the hell knows’.

*sigh*

Oh well, we’ll always have Portal…